there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize