I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
