Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
