she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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