i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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