I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
