Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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