I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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