Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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