Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
