I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
