she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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