I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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