I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
