Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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