i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
did you just send me my own nude
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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