i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
