Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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