he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
