i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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