atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
