I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
