You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
