I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
