Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
