I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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