You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
