me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
