That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
