i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
