the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
