Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
