Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
