I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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