you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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