By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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