I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
