I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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