If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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