There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
