Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
