I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
