Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
