There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
