Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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