I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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