Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
