dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
