i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
