remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i barfeds in our rink
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
