Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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