Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
